The Biggest Loser!

So I was watching The Biggest Loser! I really love this show because it always modivates me. Ya know give you that feeling to want to run, while you are actually all cosey up to the couch knowing you probably won't move a muscle. However, each year it pulls at me. I was so proud of myself last year, last year I was like 60lbs smaller. Funny thing it wasn't a case of letting myself go (or didn't feel like it) but more so I was no longer on my meds. I haven't been on my thyriod meds in months since losing health insurance. I decided today that even if I have to pay full price for the doctors visit it will be worth getting the meds. I have gained back so much now that I think I am bigger then I was prego with my children! I bow my head to say that.... It's a bit embarrassing. Especially for the fact just months ago I could wear pants 3 sizes I swear smaller then what I can wear now! I am at loss.... I am really hoping it's more of my thyriod and the more I think about it the more I am convinced. Everytime I have been able to lose a lot of weight I was on my meds.

So come Monday I am going to the doctor, getting on my meds and I have asked for a gym membership for christmas. I hope I get it :). I really want to change for the better. Everytime I watch these shows and see their final outcome I am amazed at how different they all look. How much life it seems they have now.... I want that too.... Ya know????? I hate being bigger. It makes me sad, it makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel unnoticed! So hey bring in the new year with doing things RIGHT!

Good lord where to start?

So I have been MUCHO stressed lately. Since I lost my car, money has been terribly tight. I started watching kids in my home and hoped that I could just kick that off and make enough to help out. Right now I am still short by watching a kid or two and bills just are not getting paid. We have rent already past due and still figuring out how to pay it. The only other option there is now is me getting a night job. The only jobs that I can do at night are most likely going to be food. WHICH sucks majorly. I get totally sick to my stomach at the thought about it all for mean reasons. One... I use to work in offices I am use to making at least 12 dollars an hour, to sloop down to Minimum wage working in fast food as if I was 17 again is just if anything a culture sock or something for me. Two this now limits time with my girls, I will still have plenty of time with Christopher but not so much at all with the girls we are talk about an hour a day considering they get daddy on the weekends. On Sundays I probably won't even see them at all. Three.... There goes any chance of a social life or spending time with my family or Derrick for that matter.

Yes I understand times are tough do what you have to do, if I didn't understand it I wouldn't of already applied at places because of it. However, it doesn't mean that I am going to be all perky or proud of it. I am not proud that I won't be able to see my girls, and be with my family with the worst part of being is that I don't know how long I will have to do such a thing as well..... I had my kids so I could raise them, instead everyone else in this house will be EXCEPT me. Yeah I will be bring in the money, yep, they will have food, and all the necessities and those things I will agree are important but isn't having your parents in your life just as important????

Things with my boyfriend are stressing as well... Apparently more so by my doing. It seems that he is okay with the fact that I am here everyday (regardless if we even interact or not) and he seems happy with the fact if we get just like two hours of alone time. Personally I am not cool with it. Yeah I see you everyday but it doesn't mean we are I guess bonding at all. I want to spend time with you, I want to hang out, I want to actually ENJOY you. Not just sit on my butt watching you play a video game! Or he asks me why I get mad because he might fall asleep watching a movie, because he is so tired from work. Look I understand he gets tired from work. I do totally get it. But when someone can find something to do (game, talk to a friend or hang out) for hours and yet some how you remained awake and yet all I am getting is this two hours of your uninvited attention yeah I would like it if you were awake. If you can't stay awake maybe you should of asked me to watch it with you earlier instead of doing a run on WOW.

Please know that I am usually good about when he plays his games. I personally am not a gamer. I get it's his outlet so for the most part I don't care that he plays. If fact I prefer it because then he gets cranky with out it. Just I expect that if he can commit that much time to a game he can commit some time with me. And I am sorry I do NOT consider me talking to you about jibber jabber crap because I am just bored off my mind waiting for him to get off, I don't consider this as me now spending quality time with you! Maybe I am wrong... Maybe I am being bitchy... In fact I am sure I am... But why can't he get this?????? For the life of me I don't know? I think it's just a guy thing? I have no clue honestly.

Anyways those are my rants for the day.... I am sure I will have plenty more coming this week.

Happy Birthday Baby!

So yesterday was my son's 5th Birthday... So in honor of his birthday I made a slide show from when he was a baby to now! I hope you enjoy it....

It was September 21st, 2003 when our son was born. I was 38wks pregnant when I noticed my son wasn't moving as much anymore. My husband (at the time) convinced me for peace of mind to just go to the hospital so they could get him moving and send us home. So we dropped the girls off at their nana's and told her we would be back in a couple hours. We arrived at Baylor of Dallas I guess around 8pm or it could of been earlier (It's been a while lol).... I remember though when we got there the hospital was VERY busy. They were having to send patients to Parkland which I was praying I wouldn't have to deliver there. They were so packed they had to monitor me in the ER room.

Once they gave me some soda of course our son starts moving. However the nurse was concerned. Apparently I was in early labor (who knew? I was having contractions for weeks). She called my midwife and let her know I was contracting and that his heart rate kept dropping. My midwife was out of town, so her assistant who I met once came. It took another 2 hours for her to get there. They spoke of induction but once my midwife got there she checked me and low and behold I was already 5 cms. So she decided it was best to just break my water and see what happens.

By midnight we got us a room. She broke my water and the fun began. I labored on the birthing ball as she massaged my back. 3 hrs later I am laying on the bed already pushing out our son.... I was so proud to do it with no epi like I did with my second (that and the labor was only 3 hrs) whoo-hoo..... I hear in the room the nurses saying did you see that??? See What??? Excuse me? Um- hello mom heard that! Apparently the reason his heart rate was dropping because his cord was wrapped around his neck and body so tight that is split apart once he came out... It was a miracle I came when I did because she said she wasn't sure how long it would of held up in the womb.

But he was perfect. 8lbs even, 19 3/4 inches long and beautiful... It's amazing how the years pass by..... Now I have a 5yr old boy who is all boy.... So here is the slide show.

P.S. I Love You!!!

So last night I watched the Movie P.S. I love you! OMG I am SO inlove with this movie and not just because Gerard Butler was in it, though it did help... Good lord he is sexy. I mean come on look at the man (Pics Below)

So Sexy just look at those eyes!!! I am not much for older men but wow I would so leave Derrick in a heart beat and do him if he offered.... Okay so I wouldn't leave Derrick I would just let him know that he is on the list. What? You know you guys have a list! What is the list? It's a list of people who if they ever came up to you and said they wanted to have hot and wild lovens that your partner would be like oh, yeah it's great, go a head hunny, I am good.... You have fun... Besides they are "on the list" lol... But hey even the star wasn't too shabby himself. Shown here so sexy right???? See Nice huh??? For those of you men if any of you ever read this thing you might reconize him better by this pic Though honestly for me doesn't make me want to google all over him?? Maybe it's just me though????

Anyways, it is a WONDERFUL story, I know I wanted to watch it when it came out but just never went! It will have you laughing, then crying, then laughing, then crying.... It's a complete rollercoster of GREATNESS!!!! I really did love it.... It really became my favorite movie!!!! Must see, total Chick flick....

Anyways I just wanted to share.... P.S. I love you Like 10 thumbs up! Yes I have 10 thumbs... Don't call me a freak! You don't know me.... Don't judge me!!!! LOL.....

Quiet

So what do I hear, QUIETNESS... Kids are in bed, my boyfriend is asleep.... You would think one would rejoice, sing a hymn (that's how you spell it right??? okay, what so to blog I have to pass a spelling bee too?) Anyways, but I am not.... I already did my list of things to do, email... Check.... Myspace.... Check... Mobsters.... Check.... Steal lots of money from people on mobsters to piss them off when morning comes because I took about 300,000 from them and so they end up yelling swear words at their computer, Damn you Husslu (no I didn't come up with this name mobsters some how felt that I should be graced with this name. Everyone else picked their names however, I guess I am special. So nah!)... Check (just wrote like the longest phrase, sentence whatever it would be called)... Check... Call friends who don't answer their phone, but some did, and ended up taking to my ex and one good friend so check.... checked my mommy group but realized I don't have the patience to read like a 1000 posts so clicked off that immediately... check... Ignore the dishes.... Check, And now blogging so check....

And yet I sit here and I am bored... Though I will say that I am trying so hard not to jinx myself because even though I am bored, for FOUR freaken nights now Katie has woken up crying her head off saying she hurts down there upinside her girl parts shall we say. We have had an ER trip already and nothing... We can't figure this out for the life of us. So today I keep her home and realise she is a bit constipated (funny cause last week it was flowing like no ones business but hey bodies are weird sometimes which also means she has had some dairy lately). Anyways get some nice little enama stuff everyones dream to have their mom shoot liquid up their butts... Of course her response was why did you put the stingy thing up there??? Well, I don't know Katie for shits and giggles maybe???? To make you poop goober! No I didn't tell my 6 yr old that exactly! Of course mins later she looks like she is about to explode and well boy oh boy can you say barf bag when walking into the bathroom. Now katie is a SMALL girl like a whole 30lbs and she is only 6... How on earth can a smell that you would expect from some guy come out of her????????? I regress to try to figure this one out. Katie proudly shows me how soft her belly is and that she is all better... Asks as well if I will be sticking her with the stingy thing anymore. I let her know I won't for now...

So we are all crossing our fingers this works and she sleeps tonight... Because OMG I do NOT want to go to the freaken ER at 2am sit there for HOURS once again for them to tell me I don't know, maybe she has worms in her butt (that's what they said was possibly it the first time) Well can you CHECK please... Which is an interesting thing in itself.... See we had NO clue what was causing Katie's pain. All she could say was it hurt up in her privates. So now I am informed by this stupid ER doc that I have to check her to see worms... Never in my life did I think I would want to dig, poke and prod through my daughters butt hole to find a disgusting little worm. I just never thought I would ever even think of that sentence... (note to self things I never thought I would say as a mom log number 33,432 please have a worm in your butt, please have a worm in your butt).... Sigh being a mom is just so great.... Seriously just go out there and have like 12 of them, I dare you! LOL.

So all in all we are *hoping* this did the trick and maybe JUST MAYBE it's constipation and nothing more serious.... I don't want to even think about the alternatives (which was something was stuck up inside of her that she put there god knows when, and I would have to blame myself for giving her the curious gene or something since I found out at the age of ten I put paper in my ears and I have NO clue when I did such a thing but apparently I thought it was a good place to stick paper?!).

Other then that, it's about all going on here.... Well other then the obvious, ya know sucky gas prices, no freaken money, going insane daily, wanting to strangle boyfriend from time to time, ready to sell the children to the lowest.. uhem I mean highest um yeah bidder.... Things like that.....

So here is some wine because I have to save mine for tomorrow... My boyfriend is passed out on Benadryl and I am not certain I can violate him in his sleep and well being a little buzzed, off of the wine that I have left and not succeding in his rape just doesn't sound too fun! So I will wait until tomorrow when the kids are gone and well he is more awake to violate him before I decide to drink anything.... What? don't judge me, It's been like a freaken month since I had a glass... Oh yeah you were thinking about the rape part wasn't you??? Again don't judge me... You're just jealous.... You only wish I could rape you.... hehehe....

Goodnight all.....

Random Stuff

Hmmmm.... Where to start on my random thinking..... Well I guess I will update so far on the Milk issue... So my daughter Amy gets into the car and informs me she was refused anything to drink at lunch!!! Well how nice of them! Of course Katie chirps in (yes she chirps just like a bird, can you believe it we understand bird!) and lets me know that she did get juice infact she moved up from orange juice to apple juice... Ewwwww Ahhhhhhh...... Anyways of course this doesn't settle well with Amy nor I. I called the peds office to make sure the letter has been sent. I will be going up to the school tomorrow to make sure my children will have some liquid with their food... god forbid that peanut butter get stuck to the roof of their mouths with nothing wet to ease it down. Man that sounded a bit nasty? Okay mind out of the gutter, Mind out of the gutter.... Before we get to gutter talk....

My next thought is a comment my oldest Amy tells me... I love how children who are only 8 freaken years old seem to have the ability to talk back and act like they already have lived this world! Ya know experience, jobs, friends, money all the good adult stuff that we would traid in for play time and naps anyday. Anyways back to my rambling point here. My daughter had her pillow outside and I told her she needed to bring it in the house. She mouths off and says Katie brought it outside and why does she have to bring it inside. I am like well YOU were the one laying on it and besides I asked you to do it... I mean common it's not like I am asking her to clean the whole house or something I am asking to walk a few steps and take a pillow inside the house! UGH! So she gets all dramatic and says how it's not fair, I'm so mean and I don't care about her.....

Excuse me but lets stop for a minute since when did I already have a TEENAGER or something? First this is about a PILLOW! Ugh... I tell her oh I don't care, so those toys, those clothes, those shoes, that pillow... All those things you have and I don't care.... I am so tempted to take her bed down. Make her wear just panties, take out all her toys everything she has, and wait for her to beg for food... OF course I am sure CPS wouldn't find that very motherly by far. But maybe she would get to see what she has... Or maybe a nice little trip at the homeless shelter? Geez since when did 8yr olds get such a BIG HEAD? Can you say DRAMA QUEEN! Did I mention she is 8 what shall I expect at 18??? No wait... don't answer that I am going to assume that we will skip over those years and go right to when she is an adult married and I can play with the grandbabies... I can do that right?

ugh...

I think that's all my thoughts for tonight I am sure I will have more tomorrow lol.

No Milk!

The picket lines form.... No Milk, No Milk, No Milk.... The swat cars come... Tell us to put down our bottle waters or they will shoot.... sigh... the scene that plays over and over in my head.

So here's the deal! My lovely daughters Amy and Katie as shown in the pic below :)

Don't let their cute faces fool you, they are EVIL I tell you EVIL... Okay not evil but that's besides the point. Katie the smaller one of the right has a Milk allergy and Amy the one on the left has lactos issues, so needless to say neither one of the girls can really have milk. So they girls start school. Well on Friday my daughters tell me that they lunch lady isn't going to allow them to have anything to drink at school unless I give a doctors note stating why they can't have milk. Now I have done loads of research on milk, this stuff really is not all that good for the body (hence why my girls have issues, infact we don't even drink the stuff in our house we drink soy actually). Anyways, I go up to the school this morning to see if this could possibly be true I mean their old school AT LEAST offered some water....

According to the "food manager" it is the LAW that my girls get milk unless I have a doctors note stating otherwise. I asked well do you at least offer an alternative? Trying to get out of having to call the doctor, send over the crap worry if it will get there and blah blah blah... It's really not a HUGE deal but still a hassle none the less. I ask can't they just have water??? She says yeah if you are willing to pay an additional 75 cents for it! What? Last I saw water was free and when did schools stop having water fountains? But hey it's been a while since I have been in school so what do I know right??? The juice they have is an addition 5 cents... Which MAKES NO sense... So here are the choices if you have to pay right.... You have 8 oz's of milk which is 50 cent's though it's priced in with the food so no extra charge there, 4 oz's of juice for 55 cents (funny because juice is cheaper then milk but whatever) and 75 cents for 12 oz of water.... Sigh...

So now I have to call the peds office today and see if they don't mind writing up SOMETHING for the school and fax it over so my girls can have something to drink because I didn't have any extra cash to send them something today.... Ugh....

Anyways just wanted to rant about that today.

Phew what a long couple of weeks....

Well in my last post I mentioned how my son broke his finger... Well on Friday he got his cast :) a camo one as seen on the left... He is so proud! He says it's his army gun going around peew peewing everyone (that in case you didn't know was the sound of his gun!). He has to wear it for 3 wks so can we say he will have a REALLY STINKY ARM... Ugh and he has to ride in the car home with me!!!!! LOL

The girls well.... They started school last week right... On the Friday before I enrolled them in the school we were told they were suppose to go to. On Saturday I get a call from that school and then I am told it's the wrong school they should go to the school that is on the other side of us? Funny makes no sense this the school I enrolled them in was right down the street on my side of the street the other one is on the other side of the street and further down. But whatever... We enrolled them anyways. Well on Tuesday I get a call from them letting me know that the first school we enrolled them in was after all the school they were suppose to be in.... What??? You have to be f'n kidding me?????? Nope! All I get is a big I am sorry... So on Wednesday I had to go to the old school get their school supplies and then take the girls to the new school. I FINALLY got them enrolled by 11am.... Sigh....

Other then that things went well. I walked the girls to school for the first time today. I swear my legs were screaming on the way back saying excuse me you normally do not use me like this and well a warning would of been nice! Not to mention it didn't help that this mom started walking with me and well she walked faster then I did, so I walked faster too... Can't let her know I can't keep up right?????? I am SUPER MOM (saying that in the overcast voice!) Okay so I am not but one could dream.

She asked if I was going to join the PTA... I have considered this.... Thinking of the PTA I know this couldn't be correct but I just imagin these women in this like sun dresses drinking tea talking about I don't know things like how can we make school lunch something the kids would actually eat???? I don't know.... I plan to join today so I will update you on that.

That's the update.... I will talk to you peeps soon. Enjoy and I hope you had a nice long weekend :)

What a day.....

So do you want to hear about my day???? Sure you do... Because you love me.... Okay so the day starts off like a normal day. My kids are at their dads house until later that evening when he was to bring them back home. I only had one kido to watch until then. At 6pm I was to leave to pick up the other little girl I watch and was only suppose to have her until about 8:30... So all in all nice day... Until.....

Well first 2 am I am BURNING hot!!!! I look at the thermostat to see it's 79 degree's in my house, I check online to see how hot it is outside and it's 75! Nice my house is hotter then outside and yet my A/C is blowing like crazy but with no cold freaken air! URGH! I get up first thing in the morning, and start calling and emailing our landlords.

I get really upset because my landlords say it might take 3 days to get this fixed. I then go off in email.... THEN our landlords try to say that if they have to replace our A/C unit that they will do so and then up our rent... Can we say ILLEGAL???? UGH

Then my ex calls me around noon to let me know that he believes his water pump is going out. He was driving to bring the kids home and the car started making aloud rattling noise. So off I go to pick up the kids which they were about 45 mins away. I get them, score though because my ex made us all Pizza! Whoo-hoo.. Good thing too because I was starving!

We all get in the car listen to who is doing what to do who (always a fun game you should try it sometime? not!). Get home, start feeding the kids. To what we hear a few moments later? My son screaming bloody murder. It was the type of scream where you just drop everything and run because you know something is wrong. Christopher tells me that Amy (my oldest) jumped on his finger when they were playing apparently Wolf and Cat? Never heard of the game but whatever... Amy claims it's an accident but still get's time out because our "accident's" in this house seem to happen quiet often and I wanted to teach the kids that yes they do happen but we still have to pay attention or people will get hurt.

Sortly after Christopher is still yelling, Derrick takes a look at his hand and says, uh Misty has his finger always looked like this??? His pinky was the finger he hurt and now his hand is making what looks like an L... Great.. Nope it doesn't normally look like that... So I have to call the mom I usually pick up her daughter and tell her I can't today, call the other mom and let her know my helper I have here will have to watch her son while I am away...So off to the ER we go! Low and behold it's broken... Sigh As you can see his nice little splint that the doctors gave him.


So we leave there, get him some Ice Cream for being such a big boy in the ER :) and then head home. Get home and realize I have no pain meds for him. Eat dinner go and get that. After we get home we give him his motrin, put the kids to bed and that was that...

Phew I am still tired....

It's our first broken bone... Twice now though he has hurt the same hand... Poor boy! Anyways thought I would share.

Boy have I been MIA

First I guess I will start with the MIA which for those who still don't seem to know what the "internet lingo" that means missing in action... Funny pharse if you ask me because not sure how much action I had before but okay I will take it....

I looked at the date of my last blog and it was something like October of 07.... Geez it's been almost a YEAR! Wow didn't think that it's been that long since I have talked??? No, really I haven't been a mute for almost a full year but anyways....

So what are my updates... Gosh well lets see here, I had gained an awesome boyfriend whom I really love, lost my trailer, got stuck living in an apartment with 20 something year old Harry Potter freak... Okay let's talk about this for a minute so I don't upset any Harry Potter fans out there, yes the movies are good... I hear the book is too though I regress in trying to read it, I'll just sit on my big butt and watch it on my computer with my savvy program I downloaded to watch movies...... Anyways this girl was a nice girl I will admit but come on who in their 20's walks around in a cape from harry potter??? Thus why I say Harry potter freak.... So I live with her and my boyfriend for like 5 long months, while my children had to stay with their dad (I wanted them to finish their school year). All while trying to find a job!

I find a job through a mortgage company, my boyfriend and I decide to live in a nice rental house that is costing us WAY too much but whatever, and then the unthinkable happens I get fired because my boss says that he feels I am working for just a paycheck???? Thinking to myself what am I suppose to work for bananna's or something??? Seriously isn't that why we ALL are working? But whatever, I then the next week get another job. I now work at a warehouse by this point. I start working wondering WHY on earth they even hired me as I sat bored at my desk most of the day and finding things through out the warehouse to redecorate. But hey I was getting paid 11 bucks an hour to move around crap and be bored. Why complain? Then market hit and wow that got more busy but I have had worse I mean I did once work at a daycare where I had 28 two yr olds and just another teacher with me.... So I consider myself super woman now and well this was nothing LOL...

I work there until market is over and they give me some bull crap of it's not going to work out, knowning darn well that they really just didn't want to pay for me being bored off my ass anymore since we didn't do so well with market. But hey whatever, move on to the next job. I get another job just almost 2 wks later.... Great paying job actually and I felt I could do this job with my eyes closed. The next day I wake up to find I don't have my car in front of the garage.

Sigh.... See it was one of those things where when money gets tight you find which bills you can just not pay... Well thinking I moved and everyone is like it will take them a long time to find you, I held off, found other things that seemed a little more important to pay and well time ran out and those little smart asses did their job and found me! Damnit... The day after I just got a freaken job too! Sigh.... Of course a week later my boyfriend figures out how to fix the garage door, would of been nice maybe now I would still have a car, however, I might had I just paid the bill instead of hoping they wouldn't of found me... Luck only goes so far I suppose lol... The job I have calls me and tells me to just not come in (I called them telling my car was gone, why I didn't lie??? I keep wondering that til this day but I SUCK at lying I am just horrible at it and well it just didn't come to me to lie) However, I just keep telling myself it all happens for a reason because this is what makes me feel better! K... Don't judge me you don't know me.... LOL...

So..... I whined, got depressed wondered why we really are here as puppets on this earth still wondering if god up above is watching and says yes my puppets yes corrupt yourselves??? As he is eating his popcorn and laughing at our own stupidity while we want to blame him for our mishaps which typically are resulted in something stupid we did and we know deep down this is true, even if you are not brave enough like me to say it. Anyways so I had my pitty party I won't lie... put up some ads because now I know I am stuck with one car which is my boyfriend who works god saken horrible hours that are almost impossible to share a car with... Ugh... Gas stations... But hey it helps pay the bills so I will not complain.

Anyways, I started watching children from my home. Which honestly I am excited about. I really do enjoy watching kids, even if sometimes I want to yank my hair out, yell into a pillow and wish for my magic fairy bitty boppity boo me out of here, but all in all I do love children.... So I started watching a 6 yr old little girl at night and now a 4 yr old little boy, both are very cute kido's... The girl a bit hyper I won't lie... Though she does but what 6 yr old doesn't lie... The 4 yr old little boy is actually quiet good! Almost makes me feel bad my children have turned into these... Well, we won't talk about it but for the most part I won't lie my kids are pretty good too.... When they are sleeping hehehe... No really they are.

So now I am just watching kids, hoping to get about 2 more and that will be that... It's exciting because I really do feel like I am on the right track now days... Oh and BTW I guess I forgot to mention that earlier this year I did offically get divorced too... Phew the year isn't even over and yet it's been SOOOOOOO LONG! Sigh...

Anyways that is my update... I will try to write more often now that I have a moment or two since I don't work out side the home currently.