Good lord where to start?

So I have been MUCHO stressed lately. Since I lost my car, money has been terribly tight. I started watching kids in my home and hoped that I could just kick that off and make enough to help out. Right now I am still short by watching a kid or two and bills just are not getting paid. We have rent already past due and still figuring out how to pay it. The only other option there is now is me getting a night job. The only jobs that I can do at night are most likely going to be food. WHICH sucks majorly. I get totally sick to my stomach at the thought about it all for mean reasons. One... I use to work in offices I am use to making at least 12 dollars an hour, to sloop down to Minimum wage working in fast food as if I was 17 again is just if anything a culture sock or something for me. Two this now limits time with my girls, I will still have plenty of time with Christopher but not so much at all with the girls we are talk about an hour a day considering they get daddy on the weekends. On Sundays I probably won't even see them at all. Three.... There goes any chance of a social life or spending time with my family or Derrick for that matter.

Yes I understand times are tough do what you have to do, if I didn't understand it I wouldn't of already applied at places because of it. However, it doesn't mean that I am going to be all perky or proud of it. I am not proud that I won't be able to see my girls, and be with my family with the worst part of being is that I don't know how long I will have to do such a thing as well..... I had my kids so I could raise them, instead everyone else in this house will be EXCEPT me. Yeah I will be bring in the money, yep, they will have food, and all the necessities and those things I will agree are important but isn't having your parents in your life just as important????

Things with my boyfriend are stressing as well... Apparently more so by my doing. It seems that he is okay with the fact that I am here everyday (regardless if we even interact or not) and he seems happy with the fact if we get just like two hours of alone time. Personally I am not cool with it. Yeah I see you everyday but it doesn't mean we are I guess bonding at all. I want to spend time with you, I want to hang out, I want to actually ENJOY you. Not just sit on my butt watching you play a video game! Or he asks me why I get mad because he might fall asleep watching a movie, because he is so tired from work. Look I understand he gets tired from work. I do totally get it. But when someone can find something to do (game, talk to a friend or hang out) for hours and yet some how you remained awake and yet all I am getting is this two hours of your uninvited attention yeah I would like it if you were awake. If you can't stay awake maybe you should of asked me to watch it with you earlier instead of doing a run on WOW.

Please know that I am usually good about when he plays his games. I personally am not a gamer. I get it's his outlet so for the most part I don't care that he plays. If fact I prefer it because then he gets cranky with out it. Just I expect that if he can commit that much time to a game he can commit some time with me. And I am sorry I do NOT consider me talking to you about jibber jabber crap because I am just bored off my mind waiting for him to get off, I don't consider this as me now spending quality time with you! Maybe I am wrong... Maybe I am being bitchy... In fact I am sure I am... But why can't he get this?????? For the life of me I don't know? I think it's just a guy thing? I have no clue honestly.

Anyways those are my rants for the day.... I am sure I will have plenty more coming this week.